Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Wedding Faux Pas... things you and your guests loathe!

So, this title changed, just slightly. We decided that it would be more fun to have a list of things that are not only annoying to guests, but! to list things that are annoying to the wedding party. We will alternate with one of each, enjoy!

Your guide to this entry -
Guest - things guests do that annoy the wedding party
Party - things the wedding party does that annoys the guests


Guest - Leaving that phone on the ever-dreaded setting of "interruptions galore" - and beyond that, taking more than five seconds to shut it off! (yes, I want to watch my wedding video and every time be reminded of that amazing moment that just made my day...)
Party - Not providing access to convenient and affordable accommodations to out of town guests or only providing information for the most expensive place in town (some of us would like to have more choices than $250 a night or camping.)

Guest - not RSVPing (maybe there is a reason they need to know if you are coming or not? maybe?)
Party - putting the registry information on the invitations (if you want to buy them a present, you don't need to be force fed how!)
*note - including your website (that has the registry information) on your invitations is not considered a faux pas. (by the way, we are registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond, Target and Sears *wink wink*)

Guest - adding an uninvited +1 to your RSVP (um... did we SAY you could bring another mouth to feed? Maybe we knew you were going to bring along your crazy Aunt Melinda and we didn't feel like listening to her ramblings about her surgeries and current medications all night long.)
Party - Not putting return postage on the RSVP card (What? I have to pay money to tell you I am not coming?!)

Guest - wearing white to the wedding (um, reserved for the bride much?)
Party - Doing too many 'unity' symbols in the ceremony (Isn't that what this day is all about? we don't need to see a candle, sand, rings, a donkey ride and a talking bird saying "unity! unity! unity!")

Guest - buying a gift that is on the registry and then not taking it off (sure! We would love five crock pots! Heck, we were planning a cheese, stew and pulled meat party the next week so it all works out!)
Party - registering for the exact amount of gifts (or less) as people who are invited (you end up with one of two situations - "what am I supposed to buy you? I am not creative! please tell me!" or "Wait, what? There is only one thing left to buy on the registry and it is the $600 dollar item or it is the odd fuzzy dice gift that no one really wants to give?!")

Guest - ignoring the invitation dress code (sure! we are having a beach wedding and the groom will be wearing sandals but go ahead and show up in your tux!)
Party - Inviting too many guests and not allowing time to speak to each of them. (yep, I came to your wedding to never see you, wish you congratulations or tell you how happy I am, I just came to talk with everyone else and get a free meal...)
*note - some people, though, will not want to wait through a receiving line just to say hi, so allowing them the option to skip the line when the time comes is not a bad idea.

Guest - dancing before the bride and groom have danced ('nuff said...)
Party - Expecting your guests to donate to a charity instead of buying you a gift (I came to celebrate your day and I want to get you something you can use. I would even prefer to give you cash and have you donate it than choose this option.)

Guest - do not re-arrange the seating chart (A lot of thought was put in to placing you right where you are, if you can't see most of the action... maybe that is a hint!)
Party - Asking your guests to help clean up after you rush out the door. (I have no problem volunteering to help if I feel the need, but being asked to help? Now I feel like I am just here as a worker bee so that you, your spouse and close friends and family can run off to do some other fun stuff that I won't be a part of.)

There is one faux pas out there that we saw often and do not really understand. Not that we are planning on having a bar of any kind at the reception (sorry folks) but why is it considered faux pas to have a cash bar? Personally I think if someone wants to offer alcohol at the wedding but cannot afford it than this is completely acceptable. No one MUST get something to drink but if they do want something then should they not be happy that the option is there at all? Getting alcohol at a reception is not something that should be considered the norm in my book as it is (beyond toasts and similar events).

Please feel free to comment! (you do not have to sign up for anything to do so!)

Be ready for next week! Ze Registry! (anyone else noticing a theme?)


Jeni said...

Awww, Matt, did you put skipping the receiving line in there just for me? And, frankly, I do show up at weddings just to talk to other people and eat the free food. Who doesn't?

Jessica said...

I know what you mean. I have a couple of my own.
Party- The couple taking FOREVER to get around to cutting the cake, doing the first dance, and throwing the bouquet. I want to see these things, but I can't wait around for hours and hours to see them. Us old people have to get home and put the kids to bed. :-)
Party- Not knowing whether or not one's significant other/family is part of the invitation. I mean really, who wants to go to a wedding alone? If I get an invitation to just me, are the bride and groom assuming I will bring my husband and/or family or not. If I do bring them, am I going to look like an ass because the bride and groom were not expecting them?
Guest- Not signing the guest book. The bride and groom want to remember who was at their wedding years later. I can barely remember yesterday, much less who was at my wedding 6 years ago.

Brianna said...

well... since you asked and i recently became an expert on the subject of weddings:

The best explanation that I found for the cash bar is that a wedding reception can be likened to a dinner party at your home. You wouldn't invite people to your home and then ask for cash for a beer. Alternatively, since it is your dinner party, if you choose not to serve alcoholic drinks then that is perfectly acceptable. No guest should expect to booze at any hosted event if the hosts do not wish/cannot afford to serve it.

Matt said...

Brianna - I have read about the dinner party similarity but I don't think I agree with it... for most dinner parties I have been to or hosted the guest brings the wine and the host prepares everything else. Sounds like a cash bar concept to me...

Jessica - yes, the guestbook issue is a big one, I feel you there. As for the invitations, we personally are thinking about every person and wording it so that they know. I think if it says just your name and not +1 or 'and guest' then you should assume just you are invited. If it says Mr. and Mrs. blah then you can assume your kids are not invited, if it says 'the Blah family' then you can assume you are all invited. If you are unsure you can simply call up the bride or groom and ask. Most of the time I doubt it is much more than them trying to save some money and since they don't know your spouse that well they thought it would be alright. The last thing they want to do is make you uncomfortable or lonely at their wedding and most couples should be aware of that.

Jessica said...

That makes perfect sense. Now I have a question though. Since I don't know how etiquette is different nowadays with all the new technology, how do you make it clear who is invited on the invitation if you do it via e-mail, Facebook, evite, etc.? Is that why you guys put the note about your wedding being family friendly on your Facebook page? Are you assuming that people will bring their family? If you are only friends with one person and not their significant other on Facebook, how do you work around that since Facebook doesn't allow a guest option in their RSVPs? Personally, I am assuming that since you said that your wedding is family friendly that I am allowed to bring my husband and daughter, but I'm a little confused. Is that ok?

Matt said...

You may bring EVERYONE! The wedding is an open event. There will be a cake reception afterwards so bring hungry guests!

Brianna said...

skeptical! when I bring my own bottle of wine to a wedding and DON'T get funny looks, i'll call you. ;)

Gabi said...

I was surprised at the "don't wear white to the wedding" one! When I read it, of course, it makes sense, but I've never heard it before! So few brides wear pure white to be married in anymore (silver or colored accents seem to be much more popular these days) that I wonder how many of these dislikes are based on tradition/generational concepts? Something definitely to consider. :-)

Matt said...

Nah, those people can look at you all you want. If the bride and groom say it is OK to bring your own wine, then those other people can stare all they want. (PS, we are not OK with people bringing their own alcohol, just to make it clear!) It is time to break that stupid tradition. It just doesn't make sense. I would rather have the option of buying my own drink than no drink at all because it would cost too much. Stupid tradition.

But I think I have made my point. ;-) on to the next post!


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